| I woken up today with a sweet lil message saying, "Thanks jie, i like the present very much." That kinda bring a more meaningful start to my otherwise boring day. Right now, i am living each day just snacking, blogging and sleeping, how interesting life can be. I need to rush to MPH to get myself a good book else i will most probably disintegrate into thin air, cos i am too bored! I am re-reading the undomestic goddess by sophie kinsella and i just love their shopaholic series cos i am a hardcore shopaholic myself! *grins* After packing my wardrobe, i realized, now, that i have a truckload of clothes! and some of which i have never worn before, it is just tucked nicely in the small lil corner of my wardrobe and it never really catches my eyes so it is just left there. Retail therapy seems to have much less effect on me now, cos i am disgusted at myself for buying so many clothes and not wearing them as much as i should be. Now when i see any pretty clothes and temptation sets in (as usual), i will be so terribly disgusted and upset with myself and i will just walk away. Okie i shall punish myself for being so sinful, and i will not buy any new clothes (for 2 weeks) and wear all the clothes in my wardrobe. It's a deal. I am sorry if i have not been replying to sms or msn, cos i am a hermit crab now. You know hermit crabbies hide themselves in their shell, that's what i am doing now, hiding myself in my own comfort zone, in my own world, refusing to interact. I will be out of that shell in a while, post exams syndrome. I just enjoy the slow pace of life, and the freedom to do what i want, the freedom of not being accountable to anyone. Perhaps that is why i can't commit myself to a relationship. I fear commitments! I fear having to account or report to "someone", the fear comes naturally and it is something i don't have control over. I fear the "someone" will fail me, or perhaps run away with another gal who can promise him better future. I know being in a relationship encompasses risk and i am just indifferent, since nobody proves worthy of me taking the risk. It's a universally recognised cliche that people changes, and yet they do. I mean, who don't? I believe at this point in time, i am undergoing some intense changes, like those chemical reaction with white froth and gushing bubbles. I used to think that somewhere out there, there is this someone meant for you, and that gals should be submissive to their hubby, while they are out there at work. NOW, it's completely different. Gals can be capable too, we can be on par, or even better than the male counterparts. Gals have risen from being a housekeeper to someone with authority and power. Now, guys can be the housekeeper and gals can be the breadwinner. And true love don't exist, even if they do, it's 1 out of a thousand and i am not so lucky. Maybe i am too much of a female chauvinist, you cant really blame me cos i grow up with nasty relatives who look down on me just cos i am not as rich, and capable. Now i have proven them wrong, BITCH! They never ever thought i could made it to the university, they never believed in me. And when i made it, they offered to make me their "god-daughter" and pay for all my school fees and living expenses. WTF! Hypocrites! Where has your pride gone to? Though i was in need of financial help, i will not stoop so low and accept your offer! Deep in my mind, i can still remember the stupid look you gave me, thinking i will never come this far. Over my dead body will i acknowledge you as my godmother! I won't let you have a chance to claim that you have a part in my education, just because you pool in some filthy money! No, No, No, it's all my hard work and i wont let you claim credit for that. I rather borrow from the bank which charges me 100% interest than to borrow from you, bitch. Lol, okie i know i sounded harsh and evil, but well, she incur the wrath in me. I can't wait to get outta NTU and work to provide for the family. My mom has been complaining of frequent leg pains and it hurts me to see her in pain and not being able to help. Many times, i wanted to just quit my uni education so as to be able to support the household. I am so tempted to just give up everything, just for my mom. She has been through so much and still staying strong. If i were her, i might not be able to come this far and i admire my mom for that. Will life be drastically different if i had opted for the ACCA scholarship route, i wonder. I regret choosing this path to ntu, seriously. The only thing i had learnt is not to be so trusting and learn to keep things to yourself. Project work is terrible here and i appreciate my poly project mates even much more now. There is so many things i can grumble about, okie i shall stop my ramblings and incoherent thoughts. Thanks zerk, you have been a great pal, at least to me. |
BeautyForte - To be pretty is every girl's dream
♥ [Spree like it's Free] ♥
